Listener DanO, your comment has led me to what should have been a very obvious conclusion, that indeed EVERYTHING is relative inside the Castle of Quiet. Call it metaphysics, if that term gives you comfort.
Unable to afford a real, physical Castle, I have created a three-hour universe where even I am only partially in control. The show, the ideas, the music plays itself—I am merely the conduit strong enough to channel it, as such. Three Asia Argentos at once? Do I dare admit that I not only crave such a scenario, but also could handle it, with ease, and generosity?
Am I ego-mad? No. My vices, my health, my psyche, my pain, wears me down with each move I make, each thought I dare to have. I am a man in trouble. I will not live a long life, but one of rabid indulgence has led me to a certain understanding; I am who I am, and if my dreams could be physically manifest, what a world we ALL would see—one where every single experience is unique and transformational, where every meal is a feast, and every orgasm is an explosion.
Mere life, like a mere radio show, is not for me. I am not so much full of myself (though many are sure to read this post that way), as I am desiring to be full, full of everything, all the time, otherwise I'd rather be asleep. I want fucking, self-expression, and daring escapes, from my mortal weaknesses and the world of the mundane, all the time.
Some are destined to make the best of this physical life. I am perhaps destined to live the finest ünter-life possible—that of dreams, and largely un-manifest desires.
With millions, I could do a million things, live everywhere at once, and sow my energies in broad, fruitful strokes.
I want to be a superhero, after a fashion. A super antihero, perhaps—and don't you think I deserve it?
In music: The Birthday Party, The Communion, Arch Toll, Glass Coffin, Pine Smoke Lodge, Axnaar, Demonologists, Heilig Tod. Internet research being easy as pie, loading up the post with links seems ordinary and unnecessary. If any of these artists ignite your desire, you'll find them without my help.
Click on our very tantalizing (to say the least!) weekly capture, to reach the playlist and audio archives of this week's horrorcast™, more of a "lust-cast," this week, in honor of summer.
Perhaps something I write here will resonate, or even ring true, with someone who reads it.
Thanks for listening, and for reading, as always.
Yrs., Wm. E-pluribus Berger.