Thursday, April 19, 2012


People say that I harp on this issue, but the fact is, that I (and, therefore, the collective "we") are surrounded by believers, they dominate the populace, affecting our laws, social morés, behavior (as in what we'll say in mixed company or not) and generally fucking up everything. When people find out that I do not believe in God, they ask, somewhat surprised, even shocked, "you DON'T believe in GOD?", as if it were like thinking puppies aren't cute or something. They look right down their noses when they ask, safely in the majority, surrounded by their co-conspirators in blind acceptance, which they proudly call "faith."

Now approaching 50, I have never experienced a miracle. Imagine that! The birth of my son was wonderful, one of the best days of my life, but I do not attribute his existence to the work of a higher power or being. My (now ex) wife and I had sex, and voila! Our relative health and heath-care saw to it that our son was born and still thrives. WE did it, not "da Lawd."

My "proof," at least as incontrovertible or more so than the misty essence of human "faith," is that, in all those long nights, nights that I thought would never end, where emotional pain and suffering tore me apart, He never came. There have been many openings in my life, where I would have been susceptible to belief in a lord, a grand creator, but He never bothered with little old me. No one came. The dawn arrived, and I woke my own damn self up, and re-entered my life for another day. Bad luck, sadness, physical and emotional suffering plagued my nights, yet the opening to save me, to show me the "light," was never taken. And I suppose, if the suffering of the people of Darfur, and the many other troubled nations of the world, are not worthy of divine intervention, why would my petty suffering be? This all does not point to His "plan," there is no plan, because "He" does not exist.

Until we all live a secular existence, free from organized religion and its impositions, social constrictions and demands, we will never be safe, but always in a world of dangerous fanatics, down to the judgmental fools, who extend us their hatred, or their unrequested and unrequired pity, for our supposed "hellish" fate.

What I do believe in is the great potential of the individual, to achieve, to master and mold his or her own world, inscribed with a moral code from birth, written and mapped right there within us, at or near our solar plexus. This is all there is, and prayer may make you feel better, the essence of collective prayer may even carry some transformative power, but not because God hears, but rather because it encompasses the collective will of many individuals, who believe sincerely that their actions will have an effect. Still, no higher being is involved or even necessary.

Why does God speak to the poor, the rich, and so many in between, and not me? It's a question of those who desperately need to belong and in that, allow themselves to be duped, for the greater good of belonging, to popular opinion, and to mass acceptance. With God, as with art, as with all things, simply because so many believe, this does not point to an indisputable truth of any kind, it only means that many people are simply desperate to belong, to join a club, to like and be liked. It speaks not to quality, greatness, social or creative or artistic importance, simply because "a lot of people like it." They could be wrong, and moreover, for the most part, they ARE WRONG. I am an elitist, not because I want to be, but because my intelligence demands it, in a world of bandwagon-jumpers who desperately fear change of any kind.

God has had many chances to speak to me, to sooth my pain, to even give me the strength to sooth my own pain, yet all were passed upon. The more dire needs of a great many others are passed upon, on a daily basis, by this misty "creator" who allegedly helps so many. So don't look down your nose at me when you find out I don't believe, as we'll both suck the same dirt when we die. Your "ascension" will prove to be undelivered, lost in the mail. We are all on our own, and should not be looking for The Lord in the fractals.

As to my motivations, why this, why now—when you're expected on a weekly basis to recite the so-called "Serenity Prayer," one realizes truly how many believers there are, how deeply dangerous the potential is (as with any mob mentality), and one tends to want to scream their non-belief, rather than simply state it, because very few are listening. Simply put, this is a wiser alternative to punching my N/A meeting-leader in the face, and trashing her beliefs in a room full of those basically in agreement with her. I'm not a fool, after all, hence the not believing in God bit.


  1. Preaching to the choir here.

  2. Yes, I know, and that's a shame; but how to reach the oh-so-convinced herd?