I notice more and more the emphasis people place on happiness. Of course, it's the jewel in the forehead of the idol of human existence, the only thing that really matters once all the achievements, successes and failures are washed away. You've made it this far, however far that is—but are you "happy"? But if you have to try to be happy, work on it, embrace certain practices, read certain books, turn your flesh inside out (figuratively) and experience some sort of rebirth—is it really worth it? If happiness doesn't come naturally, if it's not innate to your character, what is its value? And if achieved through great, external effort, is it "real" or "false"? Are you kidding yourself, denying your nature as an unhappy person, a "Negative Nancy"; one of those undesirable "glass half empty" people that at least in theory, no one wants around?
I'm fine in social situations, I know how to laugh and joke, be inclusive, make people feel interesting, appreciated, wanted, loved—and not one ounce of that is put on or affected—insincerity not being my strong suit. Still, at my core, in my mind, in my thoughts, alone, left to my tendencies, I am not a happy person and cannot recall a time when I ever have been. I could easily (and sometimes do) blame this on external factors—widespread anti-intellectualism, a possible Trump presidency, money forever greasing the wheels of progress rather than humanist ideals—but the truth is, I know me, and I spin negative, I wax negative, I ask the world, "give me a reason!" ...and having always been this way, isn't acceptance really the way to go? I don't have the inclination or desire to read all those Eastern philosophical tomes, and/or merge with the "cosmic continuum" (I assume the latter will just happen when I die.) Anyhow, that's my navel-gaze for the day, and fuck you if you think I'm being "too personal" (let's remember there are 1,000s of blogs and vlogs where inarticulates whine on about their shitty day; at least I have a full, shitty life under my belt.) ...and with that, being uniquely who I am fuels this radio program and my ability to do it and do it well, in singular, mold-breaking fashion.
Corker of a show last night, with a blazing live set from Imperial Trumpet, lurching, rough and greasy in all the best ways, or, as drummer Lorde Abravanel (Fizz, to those of us who know & love him) put it, "Hymns to the aristocratic spirit of antiquity in Militant opposition to modernity." I've said it before in other ways, but I feel privileged and uniquely poised to share new and exciting extreme metal, noise and punk in a weekly platform of terrestrial and Internet radio, and I'll always be grateful to WFMU for providing me that opportunity for as long as it lasts. BUT DOES IT MAKE ME HAPPY? Ok yeah, of course it does, and maybe that's what happiness is, for me at least, it's nights like these, "glimpses," the crack in the doorway that lets some light in, rather than to spring out of bed every day with gratitude for the life I was given (I know some people do that, I mean I assume that they do, but I cannot conceive of how that's actually done.)
Many a positive comment aimed at our first set of music (pre-band), with all-new or recent releases from Scumripper | Muerte | Mystic Inane | Bleak | Dr. Shrinker et al., and we blasted through our concluding 90 mins. post-band (by the way, you can buy the limited Imperial Trumpet demo tape @ House of First Light) with more exquisite grime from Salö | Obduktio | Khøleraä | Nazarene Whore | Lluvia | Abysmal Grief | ...and Future Blondes filled out our last 25 mins. with a new tape side.
Hopefully some of you noticed that I pumped up the online playlist with album-cover images, kind of late-breaking—but I remembered, and I find that doing so nicely punctuates our "umbrella aesthetic" at My Castle of Quiet. Once again, our weekly screen capture comes from the Italian ciné-oddity Tragic Ceremony; click on our doom-maven organist to stream last night's full horrorcast™ and Imperial Trumpet's full set.
Lots of amazing live music coming to The Castle in February, with sets from Andorkappen (2/9-10); Desiccant + Hiroshi Hasegawa (2/16-17); and Cape of Bats (2/23-24.) Stay tuned to the MCoQ Facebook group for more information.
